A collection of late night often Ambien-induced texts
Well, the Ambien is no more. It was an experiment gone terribly awry. We will miss Ambien Joolie (or AJ, as she was known in certain circles). Luckily, there is a legacy of texts to draw from. Here are a few more:
- Am I a gremlin?
- I think Ambien is the best thing that ever happened to me. It’s like day Joolie has no idea, and feels like she’s in that “Memento” movie. But night Joolie knows all and thinks it’s fucking awesome. Screw all those post-it notes day Joolie left for me and her love of quirky Hawaiian shirts and fancy cheeses and special pens and physics. It’s party time.
- Pluto was riding high on the horse for way too long. Time for some Eris justice.
- Don’t worry. I will lose them at the speed bumps.
- BTW. I just saw my “ice ice baby” text from 1:45 AM last night, and Noolie told me I would not stop making rock-on symbols and shouting “THOR!!!” No recollection. I can’t decide if I have a problem or if I’m just awesome.
- I am sad. Please make a donation to me in someone else’s name. It is a gift they can cherish always and that they can feel good about.
- I know what I’m doing right now, so don’t worry. I just wanted to tell you that there’s some woman in my bathroom that won’t make eye contact with me.