Cooking with Joolie: 2

GHETTO LATTES  You know how financial experts say you can save $900,000 a year by not buying iced lattes from fancy espresso drive-throughs?

So, what are you supposed to do to get the caffeine you so richly deserve and are so flipping addicted to in a delicious and iced form?

Well, leave it to me. I have come up with an answer that is both economical and efficient. I call it GHETTO LATTES.

Follow these easy steps, and you will never again have to wait for some barista who bares her skinny-bitch midriff while making your drink all wrong.


1.       Brew a pot of coffee. Be sure to add way too many coffee grounds, since you secretly have no idea whatsoever how much you’re supposed to use.

2.       Once brewed, forget about the pot of coffee for approximately 90 minutes. This way, it will have that slightly burnt and old flavor that you have come to expect.

3.       Put the pot of coffee in the fridge. Then, forget to take the coffee filter and used grounds out of the coffee maker so that you can find it later when it’s old and gross, and you’ll be forced to clean the coffee maker.  AGAIN.

Note: If you have a domestic partner, you may opt to let him/her find the used coffee filter and grounds. AGAIN.

4.       Wait. For a long time.

5.       When the pot of coffee is cold, take out a cup and put some ice in it. If you use ice cube trays, don’t refill the tray – just use slightly over half of the ice cubes in order to justify not refilling the tray.

6.       Pour the cold coffee into the cup, and then add some cheap non-dairy flavored creamer to it.

7.       Put a straw in your beverage. This is crucial to your sipping enjoyment.

8.       Drink it, and repeat. All day. Until you’re jittery and regretful.


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One Response to Cooking with Joolie: 2

  1. Ann Magallanes says:

    At the Starbucks in the barrios and ‘hoods near South-Central L.A., if one orders a coffee, a regular hot, brewed coffee, THEY DON’T HAVE ANY. Because nobody who lives around there drinks anything but iced lattes, frappuccinos, and the like. If one goes to other districts and neighborhoods just a few miles away the Starbucks are normal with hot, freshly brewed coffee available instantaneously. So your choice of name for your iced coffee creation (Ghetto Latte) is very apropos; in fact, it is seemingly ripped from the pages of the local police gazette (the donut reviewer’s column). The Barrio Latte is similar but has more cinnamon in it.

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