We’re taking a small trip back to our roots. Here are some recent Toolies texts:
- I don’t want to do anything that involves eye contact or sitting upright right now. Elastic waistband optional.
- I can’t stop thinking about pancakes.
- DO NOT play Monopoly with me unless you like losing in a vicious cloud of frustration and despair.
- Sometimes I feel like I’m a 12 year old boy. It’s usually when I won’t share my yo-yo.
- Some wise man once said, “What exactly is the difference between insomnia and self-loathing?” Touche.
- I ate about 10 thin mints, I have a cut on my arm from a plastic batman, and I am pretty sure that my fly was open for most of the afternoon. Yay life!
- How did I possibly get “Do you know the way to San José” stuck in my head on heavy rotation? I feel like I’m on an elevator to hell. If I could punch myself in the brain, I would.
- Do you think lesbians ever fake it in bed? Is that an offensive question?
- You know how there are those people who get so severely depressed that they literally become catatonic, don’t move or speak, and need to get shock treatments? Well, I’ve weighed my options, and I think that might be a good way to go.
- Name this movie:
“I have always dreamed of running away to Paris. Haven’t you ever had a dream?”
“Yes. I was naked and there was a snake wearing a vest.”
- I was thinking that next life I would come back as an underestimated crow with lots of plans to annoy people and eat French fries. Then again, it might be better to be different next time.
- Do you think the stereotype for old single lonely ladies in our generation will go from “Crazy cat lady” to “Crazy old twitter lady?” If so, I better start paying attention to twitter.